I bet you won't read this, "friends".

I bet you won't read this, "friends".

Sometimes we just want life to end. We want to escape our pain and stop our suffering. We don't belive what anybody says about how life is hard sometimes but that it'll work out and that we'll make it. We're sorry, but we can't belive that in that moment. On the edge of life and death. We don't think about being grateful for being able to walk, see, hear, eat good food, drink clean water and breath fresh air.

Some of us don't even have that.

Unless you're in the same boat as us you do not have any right to judge. We're not hurting ourselves and others in the process, for attention. We are not using the word "depressed" as an excuse. 

We're begging you for help!

Some of us don't have families or friends. The ones who are suppose to help us and get us through rough moments in life. Some of us have friends and family, but they either do not care or are only there for the good times. Some "friends" think our sickness and pain is BORING and does not deserve their attention.  What kind of support is that? What kind of friend are you?

I do not honestly know why I always decide to try one more time. I do not know why I, each time, decide that life deserves another chance. I deserve another chance. I do not know why I don't just end it all. 

Maybe I'm a coward. Maybe I just don't have the goddamn guts to do it.

Or maybe I just don't know when to quit! Maybe I'm a strong person who wants to get better! Maybe I want to live! Maybe I wanna see what life has to offer! Maybe I want to be loved by someone! Maybe I wanna love someone back! 

Most of you have stopped reading by now. You think this is boring and depressing. I think you and I should switch lives for a day. Get back to me if you're still alive after that day. 

We fight for air every single day. We have thoughts about taking our own lives every day. Some of us hurt ourselves every day. Some of us have already given up. Some of us are no longer here.

We feel like our lives are nothing more than a big fight with ourselves. We feel like we don't have any reason for breathing. Some of us, each day.

But we're still here. Still trying. Still breathing. Still fighting. Still living.I wonder how many of you are still reading this. We're not BORING you are we?You claim that you didn't know we had it this rough. That it was this serious. That we weren't just grumpy. Have you ever thought about asking us. "Are you okay?". 

You claim to be our friends.

Oh we're soooo boring you right now, aren't we? you just wanna click this away don't you? You wanna read or watch something funny and happy and not some "depressing emo" go on about all the pain and life and blahblahblah ~

Try our lives on for a while before judging something you clearly do not understand.

You're terrible friends. We deserve better. Some of us deservED better.

I almost took my life today. But I'm still here.

You're not getting rid of me that easily.